give me a break
POSTED AT 01:43 PM in love

ekatarina

 

Pwede ba.

I really don't want to talk about him, much more explain to my folks why he hasn't paid them a visit for the past three months.  I just hope that people would make my moving on easier because it is already a pain as it is.  Darn.

Next time I see someone, I wouldn't let him meet the whole clan unless I am already sure that he wouldn't leave me just like that.  Looking back, I may have made a big mistake. But then again, that's life.  I might as well make the most out of it, like errr, be a better person and treat this whole damn thing as a mere thing of the past.  Then move forward, really move forward.

Sana lang talaga.

keeping things positive
POSTED AT 09:07 PM in love, random

ekatarina

Well well well.  It seems like the universe after all is not totally working against me, contrary to what I have thought earlier.  In connection with my previous post, I think I'm finally getting the hang of things, slowly but surely.  But we'll see.  For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and preparing myself to give a good fight on life once I get up on stage, errr for the nth time.  Surprisingly, I find things to come quite exciting.  Now that's a good sign.  It's show time, darling ; ) Harhar.

 

 

 

 

 

On the down side though, I want to curse this heart of moi for failing not to lie.  Shoot. 

eto na nga yun eh
POSTED AT 01:28 AM in random

ekatarina

Kailangan ko na talagang ayusin ang buhay ko. Una, dapat na akong magkaroon ng steady source of income (read: stable job). Pangalawa, beinte uno anyos na ako pero hindi pa rin tumutuntong sa 100 lbs ang timbang ko. Syet yan. Tyan lang ang lumalaki sa akin kakainom. Tapos sabi pa ng doktor ko may problema ang sikmura ko. Hindi ko naman sya maintindihan kasi nung sinabi nya na bawal na sa akin ang uminom di ko na sya pinakinggan. Pero seryoso, gusto ko na talagang tumaba. Pangatlo at ang PINAKA IMPORTANTE sa lahat, tigil-tigilan ko na ang magbaliw-baliwan sa pag-ibig. Tama na talaga. Tanggap ko na naman eh. Pero syempre malandi ako eh, at ayun na nga. Pero proud na rin ako sa sarili ko kasi kahit papaano nasisimulan ko nang mag-move forward sa aking buhay na wala ang magaling na machong yun. Pero macho talaga sya (literal). Hahay. Patay na naman tayo dyan. At bakit ba sulat pa ako ng sulat dito eh may kailangan pa akong tapusing article para sa raket ko. For once siguro kailangan ko ring gawing motivation ang pera. Hrm.

O sya, sige na nga.

MONEY MONEY MONEY! Pwede na kaya yun?

Syet. Hindi bagay.

oops
POSTED AT 04:16 PM in random

ekatarina

My cover has been blown. Better get out of town and change my name as soon as possible. 

 

Seriously, it feels like being cut wide open by these strangers who take pleasure in examining my guts.  They all wear this smile on their faces as if saying, “You sucker! I know something about you!”

 

Bah. I’m fine with letting other people read my recent heart aches and frustrations, as long as I don’t meet them in person (except for the few who I really formed a genuine bond with, in my four years of writing here in Tabulas).At least that way, I could still maintain my anonymity. But it really feels different when you see these people in the "outside world" and they just have that funny look in them as if they know your deepest and darkest secrets. Stupid. Stupid. 

 

If ever I don’t get that call, I’d blame this blog for everything. Heh.

 

By the way, E is having his operation today. I wish him well. Maybe when everything is already in it its right places, we could get back where we left off. Just nights of pure fun and beer. I really miss those times.

 

 

fiction 101: words unsaid
POSTED AT 11:15 PM in love

ekatarina

I’d like to say to him that everything will be alright as long as we are together. As long as he’d let me stay with him, I’m willing to take his sorrows as if they were my own. Just stay there. Share. Love. Sacrifice. But he wouldn’t let me. And so, I watch him as he drift away…like an old ghost in the mist of nothingness. As for me? I’ll eventually succumb to eternal forgetfulness, even if I don’t want to.

 

Yes, we are not together anymore.

And everything is not alright.

   

what now?
POSTED AT 12:23 PM in work

ekatarina

I dropped a lucrative job offer because it's a two-hour ride from our house.

 

cool lang, katarina
POSTED AT 03:02 PM in love

ekatarina

Wag na wag papatulan ang taong kulang pa sa tulog. Kahit na tinadtad nya pa ng exclamation points ang text nya sayo. Hay syet. Ako na ata ang pinakamabait na tao sa buong mundo.

 

 

stupid
POSTED AT 09:41 PM in random

ekatarina

What's the use of explaining your side when they have already decided on your fate? It doesn't make any sense. And why am I still thinking about it when I already told myself that I should move on, because hey, life still goes on inspite of all the shit I'm into. Face more shit, Katarina, that's how it works. Well I guess just like everyone else, things like this still gets into what I thought is my already thick and impenetrable head. Anyway, nothing could be fixed easier with a help of booze. 

Plans for the weekend:

• The Dark Knight

• 50's and a room upstairs
  

• Pizza

• Oh yeah, and him
  

saturday
POSTED AT 08:19 PM in love

ekatarina

 

It was a fitting way to say good bye. Everything has been forgotten and forgiven. And although I still feel a slight pang in the chest whenever I think about it- that we have already come to our end whether we like it or not- I could say that we parted at the best way we can. No grudges. We had a decent talk, the one we never had for weeks without ending in a traumatic fight, and I was able to smile again without thinking of all the pain. And right then and there, I felt happy and remembered how happy we were. And that’s just what saddens me most. Because I know that we were happy and we could still be…but things are just beyond our control. At least now, I could really say that I am okay. And I know that better days will come. I’m still young and I have dreams to fulfill. Maybe, when I’m all ready, I would be able to write everything about it. For now, I’m keeping the rest for myself. Find the right words, the right timing…so here’s to love and life! Cheers!